In the spring of 2009, I sowed more than just vegetable seeds in my garden. As my mom and I planted seeds, a tiny body lay in the earth under a rose bush nearby. A lot of tears were sown in the garden that spring as well. I remember saying that I didn't want a garden, I wanted my baby; I would give up gardening for the rest of my life if I could only hold my baby in my arms. If that aching desire in my heart could have become reality, my baby would've lived. I didn't have to stop to think about what I wanted more than that little life to grow and take the place in our family that he/she was created to fill. There was nothing I wanted more than to see that beautiful face, to know that personality and to giggle and tickle and love.
There are a lot of things we would give up without a second thought, even things that bring us pleasure (like gardening), if only we could keep love and relationship from slipping away. In the end, love is life and everything else is extra.
I'm aching for dear friends who are awaiting the arrival of their precious baby. The doctors can't find the baby's kidneys. And if only my ache and desire could birth something in reality, sweet baby would have kidneys.
I know there is no scale in life that says: "You are 80% good, so you receive X - you are 90% good, so you receive Y - and you are 99% good, so you receive Z", but these friends are so good and they don't deserve this. They are genuine and caring and different for all the right reasons and in such a refreshing way. 'A' inspires me to listen to the voice inside of me that speaks about who I am, and not to be insecure about what others may think. I really value her friendship.
I can't make this gray sky turn blue. But I do know the Maker of the skies, the Creator of life and the Knower of All Things. He never grows weak or weary and His arm is not too short to reach into our darkest, most trying situation. And so I'm crying and calling and asking for M&A. I don't understand why the Kingdom breaks through and touches earth at certain times and not others. Wisdom says that prayer for healing is never wasted. If we don't see healing prayers answered on this earth, we know our loved one is healed and whole in the presence of Glory. But, I'm still asking for a miracle in the here and now!
Peace, Healing, Truth, Light, and Love for this hard journey, dear friends.
4 comments:
So beautifully written. And so heart-wrenching.
praying for these amazing ppl as well <3
The journey is definitely hard, but we are allowing the peace, love, light, and healing shower on us like never before. So much gratitude to you Tiffany for creating this post and sharing your soul, you truely spoke from your heart, and blessed me tremendously.
That was a powerful message, and quite sobering. Thank you for sharing.
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